YAY!! Halo’s everyone!! so before I tell y’all the thoughts that on certain occasions leave me with an angina, let me explain my recent disappearance, I couldn’t write this earlier on because I had professional exams and I had to buck up!! this semester has been my hardest!! I mean you name it, the exams (there where times I was praying to just get a “let my people free mark” just so I could get it over with, but God saw me through, I had great scores, He’s been faithful!! ……so back to what’s making me jump….
The last time I was in the O.R (operating room, for those of you who didn’t know what that meant), and I wasn’t shaking, neither did I feel nauseated or irritated by the site of a gorgeously (before you presume me vain, was just so happy I could witness and not be covered in goosebumps) opened up abdominal cavity, as I stood watching (haven’t gotten to the stage where I get to help) the ectomy of the upper 1/3 of the rectum, because of a rectal cancer with erosion into the serous layer (the tumour ate through the mucosa, submucosa, muscularis, and then the serosa) ….so either ways he’d need chemotherapy (chei, I’m doing diagnosis and allocating or suggesting treatment) !!!!
Earlier years in med school, I knew from dissecting cadavers in anatomy class, I’d begin to dissect humans for them to live, now when I read about fatal diseases in textbooks or while I watch grey’s anatomy and see how brain tumours and mangled hearts are brilliantly handled I’m utterly amazed and they all become less vague and more real.
As soon to be doctors, we’re now fixated on keeping the patient alive. What drug can cure that symptom. What therapy would best take care of that cancer, to manage its metastasis, then we also have to put into consideration where we can find a manipulatable-bed so that the patient with orthopnea can have his/her complications managed.
With all these, I often wonder, we fight and fight for med school. Our entire lives revolve around being a doctor; getting the marks to pass internal medicine and other courses, to get an internship at the hospital of reputation and get retained, to get into specialty training; when does it all stop?
In the grand scheme of things, it boils down to your practical know how, your individual understanding of the systemic working of the body. So, do the high marks matter? Is med school more important than the moments that simile don’t matter, these precious simile worthless moments that pass us by? These moments that may be the defining factor between success and mediocrity?
Because often times, alone with my thoughts, I look back over the years and I see areas I would have put in more time, developed myself in areas I
found still find fascinating, areas I’m obviously ignorant in (allocating more time to those things, by the way) but time and time again, I’m stuck with nights of cramming the tricarboxylic acid cycle or long hours of watching the cardiac circle just so I’d recognise the mechanism if for instance I’m presented with a case of pulmonary oedema and I hear moist rales and crepitations on auscultation; the result, I’m left with paroxysmal migraines and a distorted eating habit, because I’ve not been able to keep to my beloved habit of having breakfast, so I’ve unconsciously adjusted to the 0, 1, 0 eating regimen. Still sometimes, I see a failed assignment, questions I couldn’t answer, laying in bed with my heart racing out of time, scared of waking up in the morning and going back to rewrite that exam I got a 2 in,….sigh….. 😦
But there are also days, I aced that exam and answered those questions brilliantly, these are the days that remind me it’s worth it, cos soon I’d get to see tears of joy run down a mothers cheeks as I’d help save her little boy from that heart defect, and I’d remember and be glad that His grace, His favour and also the best, the good and the worst moments moulded me into the great doc I’d be, then I’d be filled with joy that I stuck around and kept pushing through it all….. 🙂