Just in case you were wondering, the title is not as random as it seems, it is actually today’s date written without all the dashes and slashes in between, unless you’re reading this tomorrow, in which case it’s yesterday’s date. Or if you’re reading this in the year 2014, in which case it was last year, or you’re reading this in Mars, in which case it’s… You know what? Just know it’s the date I wrote the article on earth.
As you may have noticed, at the beginning of every week, I post an article about something random and intelligently funny. This week however is going to be an exception because even though I posted this week’s version late to give myself a little more time to write something palatable, I have been unable to. I could sit around here and tell you how that has come about, but I don’t think you’d understand. But in order to cut the long story short, I have been having concentration issues lately; I can’t think exclusively on one thing in particular. This has gone on for pretty much all my teenage life, but somehow somewhere I have found the ability to link all the elements of my stray thinking, put them together and make one big happy article, that either makes you smile immediately after you’ve read it or leaves you entirely bemused and confused up to the state where your confusion becomes anger and then it reaches its peak where you feel you can’t take it anymore, then you jump off the roof of a 20 storey building and die. In essence, I’m just trying to say my articles could be the cause of some irregular behaviour in my readers.
Unfortunately, my lack of focus has got the better of me today and I can’t seem to fight it off no matter how hard I try. In my desolation and lack of sense of belonging, I began trying to see why this has come about on a day as important as this, but I could only resort to stuff like Heart- break, post-traumatic stress, sense of emptiness and most of all lack of the occasional steroid. I find it annoying to not be able to write anything today; mostly because I feel I can’t read anything that does not relate to me or is not written in the same format in which I write my articles. So… I’m sorry guys. Today you’re not going to see an article about what 10 things I’m going to ask God every night before I go to bed, or how a pigeon told me how my life would turn out to be. No… this week you’re going to be left in the able hands of Miss Omoleye. I couldn’t help but think that this could be the end of me. That is, maybe I may never be able to concentrate on anything for long anymore. Maybe my days as a funny, blessed, educated, sarcastic writer is over. Maybe all I’ll ever be able to write on for the rest of my life is a chequebook, as I pay every single therapist who has failed woefully in helping me rediscover that little talent of mine that gets me up at night and gets me all excited to live on to the unknown perfect day.
Not to worry though, there is a lesson I am trying to teach you with this article, and here it is. There are some days when we would find ourselves empty and worthless and in need of some strong willed motivating power. There are days when we are blocked, when it feels like our brain has packed it bags and said “Hasta la Vista, Amigo” to us in a strange South American accent, and all we are left with is nothing. Those days are the days where we should just relax, free our souls, drop our burdens, cry out our tears and then get up at night to write a completely pointless entry into our journal. Don’t try to prove yourself on something you have no worth on. If you have nothing to say, say nothing. If you can’t get yourself to do anything, do nothing. It’s your life you’re living, not anyone else’s and the last time I checked, everyone is allowed to have an off-day once in a while. Don’t let the expectations of others pull you down, No, get up and fight the will of others with your own will. And most importantly don’t be like me; who in spite of not knowing or having anything to write on, still found a way to write a page full of how he has absolutely nothing to write on, now left with the nagging temptation to end this article with a bang.
Jim Iyke is dating Nadia Buari!!!! *DEAD*
– Victor Enahoro Ohwo