*coughs* *clears throat again*…. eeerm, so our not so consistent writer (Victor) is back, after close to a month (hope I didn’t exaggerate that) … anyways Hope y’all like, lest I forget, Happy Easter 🙂
Before I begin talking about the topic at hand, I just want to take a paragraph (or so) to thank the owner of this wonderful blog (her name is Aisha) for keeping up with me and the inconsistencies in my writing. I am usually a competent person, but for the past few days I have found myself pretty much behind on most of my promises and it takes a lot to keep up with an incompetent person, so… “Thanks Aisha”. Also, in return I have decided to dedicate my little time (which I apparently don’t have, but so does everyone) to write SEVERAL articles for The Student Blog until I find my services no longer needed here.
Now, the article: This is a rather interesting one. It was inspired by my mentor-ish; Chuck Lorre (He writes Two and a Half Men) who got me thinking along a particular line. You know artists, writers, poets, and even scientists don’t live forever right? Their works do. With that said, there’s a rather solid chance that someone in the year 2999 could read one of my articles while I’ll be six feet under decomposing in the backyard of my ridiculously huge mansion, turned Hilton Hotel, turned White House. Truth is, I don’t want to go away into the final abyss we call death, only for some Asian guy in 2999 to read my work, plagiarise it, and become filthy rich. I want to be there to sue him and claim all that wealth which should be rightfully mine in the first place.
In the light of that, I have decided to plot out plans to become… dare I say it… IMMORTAL. I just felt a long jesty laugh of negativity come rolling out of you. The interesting thing is, I already have plans to attain an unlimited number of days on earth and you are going to read through them right away:
Plan A: In order to be immortal, you have to think like an immortal. Unfortunately, if you exclude the ones in movies and comic books, there are not many immortals to think like or be mentored by, so… There’s that. Have no fear, I have a mind of my own and that mind has told me that the first line of fire to immortality is eating healthy and being healthy forever. Its basic stuff really, I will eat my vegies, take fruits regularly, drink a bottle of Alomo bitters 3 times daily, breathe in quality air, eat an apple a day, have sex every day to prevent sperm clogging, don’t take alcohol, don’t smoke cigarettes, smile daily, brush my teeth and take my bath daily, exercise my muscles, do yoga, sleep in an O2 bed/coffin. I’m just going to treat my body like a temple; not just any temple, it’s going to be like the streets of heaven; gold and gleam. The only shortcoming of this is that eventually, no matter how healthy I eat, I would still die… so this would work, but it would work for a short time which is not enough for my goal.
Plan B: This one is better than plan A. This plan involves me transferring my consciousness into a computer just before I give up the ghost, so that even though my mortal body dies, the “me” in me can still continue living in a computer world watching all that goes on in the real world via what will be called “THE VICTERNET”; a network program which connects old souls which have left their bodies and become computer programs to the internet of the real world. Rather full proof in my opinion. But of course I would always like to make it more fun so I would definitely take on the role of a virus called “Alligator X” which goes into peoples computers and tries to lure them into plagiarising any of my previous articles (which would have been protected by law) and also deleting original articles stored in the computer which could be potentially better than mine. The sad thing about this plan is that it would take a lot of money to sponsor the research to enable my proposed “consciousness transfer”, and I don’t have that much money (yet). But if someone else found a way, I’m definitely taking this path.
Plan C: This one is really going to work… I can smell immortality already. I am going to impregnate myself with a nuclear bomb that has a blast radius of “whatever the size of our galaxy is”. This bomb would be triggered off immediately I stop living or in other words… die. The best thing about this plan is that I actually don’t have to do much; all I have to do is make such a nuclear bomb and make myself its detonator, then all the work would be done by the rest of the galaxy who would want to save their respective planets and help keep me alive forever. I would become the most secured person on earth and probably I would have Martian security guards and some bouncers from Jupiter. The galaxy would endlessly rack their brains (or whatever) in order to come up with a way to keep me alive for the future of their own worlds; like I said – Full proof!! The only bad thing that could happen is if the entire world (and by world I mean galaxy) decides they are tired of this meaningless struggle called life and resolve to end the world by killing me. This is not entirely bad because then there would be no one to plagiarise my work unless someone from another galaxy mysteriously finds access to our desolate galaxy’s internet and uses up the ideas that way.
Like a not so wise villain in a kind-of strange movie said: “It doesn’t matter who we are, all that matters is our plan”. Although my plans seem full proof right now, they wouldn’t actually work because there is a reason no one lives forever; it’s because no one should. We shall all die someday. The aim is not to live forever, but to create something which evidently will. The death of our bodies is a certainty, but the death of our impact on our world is impossible. True immortality is found in creating something out of the life we have that will live in spite of our death.
– Victor Enahoro Ohwo