“It’s not the most loveable individuals who stand more in need of love but the most unlovable” – Montagou
I am a regular student with a yearning to fit in and be respected for anything but my imperfections. I have been bullied and victimized; I felt I was created in the perfectness of God. Then I remember how different people hurt me, abused me and how I couldn’t stand up for myself at those dehumanizing moments.
It’s going to torment me for the rest of my life, who knows for how long this mistake of a life would last. How do I get over the extreme anger? The hurt I felt at being demoralized. How I nursed the bruises incurred behind closed doors.
I’m 24 now with esteem worth nothing, still having memories of those painful times, I realize the immense damage and now I want to make my prosecutors enjoy same pain, as this intense rage clouds my judgment, because this burning furnace won’t be quenched until they pass through the same magnitude of hurt.
I hate to feel like this but my prosecutors can’t get away, they’ve left their mark, changed my mentality forever, corrupted my innocence and left me with no choice. Can anyone see how I can get over this?
The opportunity is here, as I stared into my prosecutor’s eyes and now about to be my victim.
He often taught pride and selfishness are muddled with strength and independence. But they are neither equal nor similar; in fact they are polar opposites.
A self centered coward who is comfortable in his own cowardice and sadly, masks his weaknesses as strengths to himself. So he is afraid to love and be loved because he can’t imagine letting someone through the wall which keeps him in his comfort zone.
Pride deprives him of many benefits, he can’t share his problems with any nor many, and he encloses himself in deep agony, smiles in public to hide his tears & pains. How long shall he live in denial?
He believes he is infallible, never wants to be corrected, never sees himself as imperfect but little does he know he is as wise as a sheep.
So without love or strength he has lost his savor, hid his self worth and the essence of his survival…
Then it dawns on him; “I’m nothing but EMPTY”